4:05 AM
Sunday, July 23, 2006
durians.. singaporeans fav.. my fav.
chilli also my fav...
durian, hard on the outside, soft in the inside.
chilli.. hot ...
most workin adults seems to be like ... chilli and durian. including mi
i am onli 18.. but now workin, studies i dunno if i can contine or not?
irony, now cannot study wanna study.. can study dun wan to study, haha.
aniway, ya pple like to protect themself. i like too.
so much so tat sumtimes we hurt pple we care too..
but if u noe the way ard openin the shell, like the way u care bout sum1..
u will find sumting soft.. sum1 who isnt wad she looks like.
if u get mi.. but there will be times.
the flesh of the durian is rotten, not nice, nt fresh enuff..
jus like the way humans weren't perfect...
chilli.. hot hot hot.. but if u reali love chilli. like i do.
u will find it enjoyin to eat, even to the extent, without chilli u cant...
cutie stuff... every1 likes .. but behind the cute face, wad lies beyond?
sadness? hiding? pretending? haiz..
ugly stuff... every1 hates.. but behind tat face? wad lies beneath?
sumting sweet...with lots of hope... tat it will be accepted sumdae..
is being abandoned sad?
or losing sum1 sad?
there is no measurement for it?
but jus my guess...
when u didnt intentionally lose sum1 or sumting... but fact is , it is lost... u feel sad.
but honestly how sad can u be? the feelin of lost..is sad helpless..
but wad bout being abandoned?
no1 cares, no1 even noe u are gone..
gone with the wind..... and sadly life goes on, even without u.
but it will be different.. noein u lose sumtings in ur life.
i lost alot of tings in my life. and whenever tat happens.
i am a changed person. like i am dead and reborn...
but if i am abandoned.... the grief / sorrow/ lonliness is with mi forever... doesnt change no matter wad. .
if sumdae i reali die.. i am selfish.. i rather die alone. where no1 noes..
coz i dun wish to lose so mani pple. i rather believe i am going .. jus going sumwhere without them.
if i never wake up again, will tat gif mi relief? or more pain? noein i am alone forever?
but i noe life is tiring.. coz it jus seems to go ard and ard 1 word. $.money
nth interesting... or maybe jus the way i am born?
3:43 AM
haiz.. been so long since i last tok to him... in army camp wor..field camp summore.
on friday i went to arcade with my cousin, den saw my frenz, was asked to go to jbox. den we went there. seat and slack at the main hall.. but my cousin nt used to it. go back 1st...
go back there realli make mi tink alot. but i enjoyed myself. at nite, dad fetched mi home...
sumtimes i wonder if i will miss him?? pple get used to tings veri fast. will i get used to not being with him? i dunno. dun wish to tink of tat dae. but i admit i dreamt of sum1.. tat nite... and i had a shock.. i used to dream of dear more.. haiz. aniway i reali miss him. but i cant depend on him now.. army.. he wun haf time nor attention for mi..
if we reali love each other, hopefully the 2 yrs will be smooth.
meanwhile, i jus have to keep my focus on others.
to love sum1 is so hard.. xiang ni zhen de hen xin ku... but i wun gif u up...
saturday met up with ting ting and cher.
we jus went shoppin n ate at UMA UMA gt their VIP card also. hee
den saw xuelin there. she n him also sweet =)
den at nite went back to Jbox again. haha 2 daes go there wor.
but fun la summore we ate breadtalk there. nicey.
ater tat i went home 1st, scared no bus.
jus like tat 2 daes, n i spent so much le. wonder will i hit my target savings?
but without dear, daes seems to crawl. haiz. but no choice also la.
he needs to be there... i jus have to bear wif it.
keep myself distracted.. so i wun miss him so much, so xin ku.
days without dear.. i miss u ..
todae went to play maple lor. haha always play with him de. play alone todae..
i'm so lonely. reminds mi of the song learnt to be lonely. when we were onli frenxz, dear told mi about this song.. hee.. coz i always feel lonely de..
maybe he has always there wif mi.. even now.
and hope his field camp wun be too xiong. kinda worried.
mi gif u moral support. hee
lonely.. learnt to be lonely... spendin time with myself...
and even now, i am home alone. so lonely..
and missin dear so much.
sumtimes i wonder, wad's love?
every1 noes the meaning of making love...
but wad is love all about?
care, concern? haiz but all i noe is i am learning how to love dear more.
he asked mi to trust him more. trust tat the r/s will work out afterall..
4:51 AM
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Read bout sumtings in the news.. wonder wad u pple will tink..
wad is service all about? gifin quality service? or jus gif wad u have at the moment ur guest comes in? are VIP guest more impt?
i dunno how u pple see service. but to mi service is bout gifin quality products.
pple do not need you to gif wad u can, but gif it ur best shot. afterall if they dun like u, they can find others... but if u gif quality products they will choose u...
but wad if u do not have the product to a VIP guest?
VIP or not they are still ur guest.. if u cant gif ur best shot, wad for u ruin ur reputation?
maybe jus maybe try to find ur supplies.. but not in every case u will be lucky.
is reputation more impt than ur VIP or the other way round?
for mi, reputation is impt. quality, cant be worse, but beta.
if u can gif quality products, wad sae service?
hmmm aniway my life now is work work work. haha. but nevertheless i still miss my dear..
haiz, hope to see him soon, he gt field trip. wun be out this week nor next week. but on the next next week. haiz sad. =( but jus gotta bear wif it. tryin beri hard. maybe nt hard enuff coz i still gt prob.. figuring out how not to feel sad....
Btw work has been ok, handling quite well now i guess.. i kinda feel my life quite ok now. except for the fact i guess i miss him alot.. n miss hafin fun n crazyness with sum of my best pals..
pple grow? haha.
ANy idea wad shud i study? if i reali dunno i guess i may jus continue studyin my advanced diploma at my present sch now. onli worry.... my attachment! haha will tink bout it b4 going for it. another ting, need to save more more more $.. hee. den also wanna travel the world if i can?
haha like real la. but is a gd ting to be able to travel the world b4 i die, coz i dun wan to miss the world.. live onli in singapore, not noein wad and how the others live their life.
but i noe this dream is ex.. may or maynot be fulfilled. haha. but dreams are dreams. i haf alot of dreams... dream to live in kovan melody, dream to be with him as long as possible, dream to travel the world.. and wonder wad it feels like to live in a mobile home. i may even get addicted to it and gif up kovan melody.. coz mobile home sounds so fun. live aniwhere u like! so cool huh?
But dreams too much also not gd.. need to pull myself back to reality.
5:38 AM
Friday, July 07, 2006
YEsterday, 06-07-06 was a bad dae....
received a fone call from a frenz, she said my last last time the work place, supervisor gt caught by the police due to sum reasons.. make mi upset.. haiz den also heard tat dear going to sign on..
i noe he likes it... i noe i shud have expected it all along. but jus tat my bad mood turns worse upon hearing tat. though not confirm yet la.. haiz.
den after tat meet up wif jessica.. chitchat. saw another last last time frenz. haha kinda feel abit beta lor.. his child so cute lor. hee...
den goin back .. my jacket drop on the road, have to pick it up... nearly got hit by a car. but GOD bless la. nv lor. haiz...
den at nite i running fever. todae still have to go to work. coz i dunno who to contact ...
cant jus dun go to work?
feel so tired. mornin so bz. but after lunch more slack le. hee =)
did i sae i was runnin a fever?
ya, so at nite gt weird dreams..
dreamt about my last last time workplace. dreamt tat i am still workin there. still a staff there...
still having fun with the pple there.
still feel like sumting is missin in my life.. haiz.
aniway i guess i am coping quite ok with my work?
hee =) hope i can work there til the end of the yr and hopefully go study again after tat lor.
u noe y i like to blog? coz it makes mi feel beta to noe tat when i feel lonely...
there is actually sum1 willing to listen to mi.. which is u, my blog .. and of coz my handwritten diaries when i dun hv time to cum online to blog....
is sad. when i hv tings to sae. no1 to listen nor care u noe?
sumtimes in life, sumtings i cant change... but i guess we can change the way/how we look at tings..
but does tat reali make us happie? sum pple sae we get used to tings..
or izzit we are jus tryin to make ourself feel beta? we nv get used to tings..
we jus pysco ourself to put tings we dun like into the other side of our brain..
tat is y there are dreams? to show wad our sub-consious ( dunno how to spell ) is tinkin?
i dunno. but being onli 18.. i am tired of leadin a life here jus for $ for work.
i wan to lead a meaningful life. i wan to lead a life full of love.
who wun?
bein friendly enuff sumtimes seems to be like a flirt to others.. but is it?
nth wrong about being friendly..
and in fact nth wrong bout being a flirt..
nor a playboi.. i noe in the process.. pple gets hurt.. but u noe we are all humans.
we are all learning.. as long as u dun kill u dun do aniting against the law i tink is fine..
flirt jus wan more attention more pple to care? wad are flirts but jus love-to-be-loved.
wad are playboi but jus pple-who-dunno-how-to-love...